Stacy Sez

Humor, Travel, Movie Reviews, Politics, Dogs, Silly! What could be better?

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Ghosts of Christmas Past

Here's an homage to Rudolph that my pal Ravenna and I wrote back in the day:

The Strange, Unsolved Mysteries of Rudolph

Hey, have you ever noticed all the weird things that go on in the T.V. show "Rudolph, the Red-nosed Reindeer"?

It's really scary! Check this out:

  • How come the Elves call the dentist Herbie, but Rudolph and Sam the Snowman call him Hermie?

  • How come they have Reindeer practice to train new reindeer to pull the sleigh, but it's always the same reindeer pulling every year? What's the point?
  • If Rudolph could fly so well (like he did at the end of the show), how come he didn't just fly back to Christmas Town instead of walking, what a dork!
  • King Moon Racer told Rudolph, Hermie/Herbie and Yukon Cornelius that he circled the globe every night in search of toys; yet he asked them to tell Santa about the Island of Misfit Toys. Why didn't he just fly to Santa himself, jeez!
  • And just what was wrong with that little girl doll...anyway? Did she have a dick? What?
  • One of the misfit toys was a bird that couldn't fly, it swam. But at the end of the show, they throw it out of the sleigh without an umbrella! I'm gonna call the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals!
  • When Sam the Snowman sings "Silver and Gold", he's playing a banjo, yet the only instruments heard are a piano and a horn. Hmmmmm.
  • Why does everyone call Donder, Donner? It's Donder and Blitzen....Thunder and Lightning. Duh!
  • If Santa has flying reindeer, why couldn't he design headlights instead of using a Rudolph?
  • What the hell was Clarice singing about, anyway? It doesn't make any sense! Weird.
  • How come the Bumble didn't just use his hands and feet to crush all of the good guys after his teeth were pulled out?
  • Yukon has a large gun in his belt. Why didn't he just shoot the Bumble?
  • Why did Rudolph forgive everyone instead of running them through with his antlers? They were all a bunch of close-minded jerks! Especially Santa!
  • At the beginning of the show Sam the Snowman says "What, you've never heard of Rudolph?" but then he says that Rudolph is the most famous Reindeer of all. So, if you've heard of the other reindeer, you should've heard of Rudolph because he's the most famous reindeer of all! So there!